Things You Don’t Want in Your Pants


Bleep… Bleep… Bleep… Bleep…
6:30AM and my alarm clock is annoyingly persistent in its duty to inform me, “IT IS TIME TO GET OUT OF BED!”
My arms are clumsy as they unwind what has become my sheet burrito entanglement, so I can physically leave my bed.
I’m thirsty. Now, in order to get water to drink I know that I must first visit the water filter unit on my street. Not able to accomplish this task in my pajamas I evaluate my clothing options.
The easiest choice, by far, is the t-shirt resting on top of my clean clothes pile from my suitcase, and re-utilizing my skinny jeans from the night before. Slightly worn, but still mostly clean they were draped on a stool beside my bed.

Okay, so I do the one-leg-in-then-hop-hop-hop-other-leg-in to get these jeans on. The thing about skinny jeans is that they are kind of tight, right?
Well, that’s when I notice a “wrinkle” on my right shin. I bend down to examine this “wrinkle” and am promptly TERRIFIED.
You see, jeans do not have WRINKLES on the shin area. There is NOTHING to wrinkle there. THERE ISN’T EVEN ANY FAT THERE!!
At this point I have two problems.
One is that I have a “wrinkle” in an area that ought to be wrinkle free. And the other dilemma is I have buttoned my jeans. I am LOCKED IN. Uh-oh.
I promptly begin to DESPERATELY and violently shake my right leg. I am hoping against hopes that I can dislodge this “wrinkle!”
Then to my sheer horror a COCKROACH shakes out of the bottom of my pants!!
I scream in terror. My roommate comes running (though by now I’m certain she suspected it was a cockroach or at least some other insect).
Then I killed that gigantic cockroach. And, I confess that I probably smashed it a couple extra times more than was required to end its life because, well, quite frankly, I was not impressed about it taking a nap in my pants.

Just another day in Thailand. Jesus take the wheel! 

(There was no time to take a photo of the cockroach before it met its untimely end. Then I was going to google to find you a nice photo of a cockroach– You know, in order to enhance this little story. But, it was really creepy! I didn’t want to look at all the photos of the over 30 different varieties of cockroaches to find you guys a photo. Please feel free to google for a photo if you want one!) 

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